A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality

 
A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality

by Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez
Limerence Press

2022

 

A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality belongs to the same series of short graphic nonfiction as the guide to they/them pronouns I read a couple months ago.

 
Muldoon and Hernandez define asexuality, explain the 'gray ace' spectrum and the 'split attraction model,' discuss growing up asexual and having adult romantic relationships, and delve into cultural representations of asexuality and (mostly online?) anti-ace discourse.

 
Muldoon and Hernandez define asexuality as not feeling sexual attraction or desire. They acknowledge that the amount of attraction people feel varies from individual to individual with some experiencing a lot, some none, and everyone else somewhere in the middle. 'Gray aces' experience some attraction, but still identify as asexual. Given the spectrum, what makes someone ace? M and H don't exactly say, but I would suggest that if someone feels enough less sexual desire than their peers that they feel excluded or isolated by the difference, then an asexual identity might help them understand themselves.

 
Muldoon and Hernandez also include 'demisexuality' as a kind of asexual identity. Demisexuals are people who only feel sexual attraction to someone after they already have emotional attraction or intimacy first. I would guess that this is actually very common, and might be true of a majority of people - but that's just a guess, and I might be wrong.

 
M and H distinguish between sexual attraction and sexual behavior to explain that asexual people sometimes (often?) voluntarily have sex, and that being in a sexual relationship doesn't mean you have to give up your ace identity.

 
One of the key experiences of growing up asexual seems to be feeling different or worrying about being 'broken' because you feel less sexual attraction than your peers. Muldoon and Hernandez say this is very common, and I wonder if it might be the defining experience that makes someone feel like as ace identity 'makes sense' for them. (I think almost everyone who hits puberty later than their peers experiences this feeling for awhile, but for asexuals, it's not temporary.)

 
M and H also seem to suggest that aces are very attuned to depictions of sexuality in the media, because they feel alienated by their own difference from those depictions. Indeed, it seems that some ace people may feel that our media are pushing a pro-sex agenda that is hostile to asexuals. Ironically, I am also aware of a number of voices claiming there is too little sexuality in the media, and that our culture is hostile to realistic depictions of sex and desire.

 
The 'ace stereotypes' M and H discuss include the 'asexual male genius' character in movies and on tv, very vocal hostility to the idea of asexuality in various comment sections online (which often threaten rape as a 'cure'), and ambivalence from some queer people about whether or not aces should be considered part of the queer community. They don't mention it, but I suppose that aces might feel especially bothered by the same 'when are you getting married? when are you having children?' pressure that a lot of people hate being on the receiving end of.

 
Muldoon and Hernandez also spend a lot of the book reassuring other aces that their identity is real and valid. While I do feel like I learned something from reading this, I think other aces are the primary audience for this book.